BIRDIE
Escaping an unthinkable nightmare, Iām given a second chance at life. Cole Trenton is the first person to look past the broken girl. But the moment I give him my heart he leaves.
Secrets never stay buried, and mine returns with a vengeance.
Cole walks back into my life when I need him most. He shows me how to be strong, that monsters only have the power you give them.
But my biggest fear remains.
How do I silence the girl in the closet before I lose Cole again?
COLE
Escaping an unthinkable nightmare, Iām given a second chance at life. Cole Trenton is the first person to look past the broken girl. But the moment I give him my heart he leaves.
Secrets never stay buried, and mine returns with a vengeance.
Cole walks back into my life when I need him most. He shows me how to be strong, that monsters only have the power you give them.
But my biggest fear remains.
How do I silence the girl in the closet before I lose Cole again?
COLE
I always knew Birdie Liles was different, but that didnāt stop me from falling for her.
After years of being away, I return home to bury my best friend,
only to learn that Birdieās in trouble.
If I had known about the monster from her past, I never wouldāve left.
I went to fight someone elseās war while I left the woman I love unprotected.
But Iām here now, and Iām ready to send Birdieās demon right back to hell.
After years of being away, I return home to bury my best friend,
only to learn that Birdieās in trouble.
If I had known about the monster from her past, I never wouldāve left.
I went to fight someone elseās war while I left the woman I love unprotected.
But Iām here now, and Iām ready to send Birdieās demon right back to hell.
PROLOGUE
ārattle them bonesā
BIRDIE
Since grandma died Daddyās been smoking more, and itās stinking up the trailer we live in.
Knowing Iāll be in trouble if he finds out, I steal his lighter while heās in the bathroom. I run outside and quickly bury the lighter in the patch of sand behind the trailer. With a pounding heart, I glance over my shoulder and hearing the toilet flush, I begin to panic. If Daddy finds out what Iāve done, heāll give me a beating.
As fast as I can, I dig up the lighter, but when I try to make it work thereās not even a spark. Scared of how angry Daddy will be, I shove it back into the hole and cover it with dirt. Not wanting to be caught, I run back into the trailer and hearing him whistling in the bathroom, I quickly rush into the bedroom. Frantically, I look for a place to hide, and when I hear the bathroom door creak open, I duck under the bed. Dust motes tickle my nose, and I place a hand over my face so I wonāt sneeze.
āWhere the fuckās my lighter?ā Daddy roars, and it scares me so badly I crawl further under the bed until I press against the wall. Seeing an old suitcase, I pry it open and squeeze myself inside it. Curling into a small ball so I can close the lid, I try to slow my breaths so he wonāt hear me.
As the minutes tick by, my fear grows. Daddyās gonna be so mad.
After a long time of hiding, I drift off to sleep, but when the suitcase moves, it startles me awake. The lid gets thrown open, and Daddy glares down at me with a mean look.
āYou little fuckinā cunt,ā he hisses angrily. Grabbing hold of my arm, he hauls me out of my hiding place. āāCause you like small spaces you can live in the fuckinā closet.ā
I start to shake my head and pull back against Daddyās hold on me. My heartās beating hard in my chest, and it makes my body tremble.
āNo, Daddy. Iām sorry.ā
He yanks the closet door open and forcefully shoves me inside. The smell of old shoes and dirty clothes fill the air. He slams the door shut and locks it, leaving me in the tiny, dark closet.
āFuckinā stuck with the kid ācause the oleā bitch croaked,ā Daddy grumbles from the other side of the door. He slams his hand against the closet, then growls, āIām gonna make you a skeleton like your momma ācause you killed her. Fuckinā evil little bitch.ā
The words are scary, and I crawl to the corner of the closet. Shoes dig into my body, but as I hear him moving outside the door, Iām too scared to shove them away from me.
āYeah, the evil cunt deserves to stay in the closet,ā he chuckles darkly.
There are a few minutes of silence, and I strain my ears to hear where Daddy is when music comes from somewhere in the house.
The song is creepy, and I pinch my eyes shut, wondering when Daddyās gonna give me a beating for being naughty.
There are different shades to black. Thereās normal black, then thereās the kind where itās so dark you see things.
Things children shouldnāt see.
You see the Boogeyman. Itās the one Daddy whispers about through the door. āHere comes the Boogeyman. The Boogeymanās cominā to get you.ā
Itās so dark you see monsters in every speck of dust.
The Boogeymanās real.
The Boogeymanās my daddy, and every day he sings to me, āIāve got a skeleton in the closet and she aināt ever cominā out.ā
CHAPTER 1
āoh, rattle them bonesā
BIRDIE
(17 years old.)
āYou almost ready, dear?ā Mom calls.
āYeah, just a second.ā Sitting on the floor with my back against the side of the bed, I donāt miss the flash of sadness as Mom takes in the sweater Iām wearing.
āYou sure you wanna wear that? Itās hot out. Why donāt you wear one of those pretty t-shirts we got you last week?ā she tries again.
I know sheās looking out for me, and I love her for it, but I wish sheād let it go. This is what I want to wear, and it makes me feel better knowing my scars arenāt visible for the whole world to see.
Itās been twelve years since I was rescued and adopted by Pastor and Mrs. Liles, and even though my father is currently serving a fifteen-year sentence, the memory of him still haunts me every night.
āNope, Iām good,ā I mumble while sticking a picture on the page Iām busy with. I have a weird hobby of writing out the lyrics to every song I like then surrounding them with matching pictures. Todayās song is Cross That Line by Joshua Radin, and Iāve just finished sticking a picture of Cole Trenton next to it.
Ever since the day Cole stood up for me, Iāve had a crush on him. Grayson Chambers was just being his usual mean self and had me cornered against my locker. Cole yanked him back and told him to leave me be.
Yeah, that was the day I knew for sure I was in love with Cole. One look at his icy blue eyes and chocolate brown hair, and I was a goner. Heās the only one whoās able to stir a happy feeling inside of me.
āGood, letās go then. We donāt want to keep the people waitinā,ā Mom says, yanking me out of my thoughts.
I slip the page into a plastic sleeve and place it on my desk before running after Mom.
Usually, Clay and I take turns accompanying Dad and Mom when they go to visit one of the families from the church. I know Clay hates it so most of the time I end up going along. I canāt let them down after everything theyāve done for me. They took me in without asking for anything in return.
Personally, I feel Clay should make more of an effort. When his father went to jail for selling drugs, the Lilesā took him in. He was only nine and had nowhere else to go. Clayās momma died when he was still a baby, and apparently, they couldnāt find anybody on his mommaās side to take him. Thatās how he ended up under the Lilesā care. It was the same with me. My momma died when I was still a baby, and thereās no one left on her side of the family.
As I step out onto the porch, Dad gives me an encouraging smile. He knows I donāt like going along for the visits, but he appreciates it.
āThanks, Kiddo. I owe you one,ā he says as we walk toward the car. The only thing keeping the station wagon together is a ton of rust.
āI get to choose the next movie,ā I say while getting into the back.
āItās a deal,ā he laughs.
Most of the town calls him Pastor Doug and loves him. I know I got lucky when they adopted me.
A few minutes later when Dad turns up the street Cole lives on, my heart begins to beat faster. Automatically, I start counting down the houses until we reach his, but instead of driving by, the car slows down.
Oh my gosh, weāre visiting the Trentonās?
Iām not sure whether I should be excited or anxious. The mixture of feelings makes me clench my hands on my lap as my stomach tightens with nerves.
Most of the time I see Cole at school. This will be the first time Iāll actually be inside his house.
āThe Trentonās? Weāre cominā to the Trentonās?ā I ask from the back.
āYes, and the Masonās will also be here. You know the boys, donāt you, dear? Theyāre seniors from your school,ā Mom replies, unaware of the mini nervous breakdown Iām about to have in the backseat.
āYeah, theyāre friends with Clay. I hardly ever talk to Cole and Hunter.ā
A simple āhiā is the most Iāve ever said to either of the boys. But itās one thing to admire Cole at school where weāre surrounded by other people. Itās a different ball game when I have to be around him with no one to hide behind.
Itās not that Iām scared of being around Cole. Not at all. Itās justā¦ what would I even say to him?
Ugh, Iāll probably only make a fool of myself.
āYouāll have fun. The evenings you never plan are the ones you enjoy most,ā Dad says.
I love his sayings, but tonight theyāre not going to be of much help. Maybe I can slip away when no oneās watching?
The front door opens, and Mr. Trenton steps out onto the porch.
When weāre out of the car and walking toward the front door, I peek out from where Iām hiding behind Mom, but the second I see Cole standing next to his dad, I quickly duck back.
I canāt hear anything above the blood rushing through my ears. Sucking in deep breaths, I try to calm my racing heart.
āPastor Doug, thank you so much for cominā,ā Mr. Trenton greets warmly.
Mom and Dad walk inside the house, and I have to force my feet forward. Climbing the stairs to the porch, I glance up and lose my breath when I see Cole waiting to close the door behind me.
Breathe, Birdie. Act calm.
āHi, Birdie.ā Cole shuts the door, and as he turns back to me with a crooked smile on his face, my mouth dries up.
āHi.ā It pretty much sounds like I sucked on a balloon filled with helium.
Following everyone to the living room, Iām incredibly aware of Cole walking right behind me. Glancing around the room, I notice the Masonās sitting on a comfy looking couch. Mrs. Tenton gets up to greet us.
Before I can go to Momās side, Mr. Trenton says, āCole, why donāt you show Bridget the entertainment area?ā
My lips part and I stand frozen like a deer in oncoming traffic.
āSure,ā Cole says, then he places his hand on my lower back and my heart all but stops beating. āThis way, Birdie.ā
Itās a miracle when I manage to take a step without falling flat on my face.
Coleās touching me.
I immediately feel self-conscious about the scars on the right side of my body, even though I know he canāt see them. Folding my right arm around my waist, I cover it with my left.
A chaotic mess of emotions spreads through me. Iām elated that Cole is touching me, but at the same time, I feel on edge because of the scars.
So far, Iāve been lucky, and only Mom and Dad know about my scars, but I know the day will come when I wonāt be able to keep my ugly secret buried beneath layers of clothes any longer.
Cole steers me into a room, which looks twice the size of the living room. A pool table stands in the middle, and a TV is mounted on the left wall. On the right side, there is a floor to ceiling window and a sliding door which opens onto a patio, looking out over a big swimming pool.
The entertainment area is right next to the living room which makes me feel a little better, knowing that Mom and Dad are close by.
I remain standing just inside the door as Cole walks to where Hunter is sitting at a bar area.
āHey, Birdie,ā Hunter says, giving me a friendly smile.
I give him a lame wave as I shyly whisper, āHi.ā
For a moment I think about how my best friend, Reece is going to freak out when she hears I spent the night visiting with Cole and Hunter. Sheās had a crush on Hunter for the longest time.
With Cole and Hunter graduating soon, next year is going to be very boring at school without them there.
My eyes drift back to Coleās face, and when our gazes lock, a blush creeps up my neck.
āWould you like somethinā to drink?ā Cole asks.
Feeling awkward, I just shake my head. Interacting with people is really hard, but when it comes to Cole, itās near impossible.
I freeze when Mrs. Trentonās voice drifts into the entertainment room. āBridgetās become quite the beauty under your care.ā
Yep, Iām officially dying.
āShe was such a tiny thing when she came to Lyman,ā Mrs. Mason says.
Knowing Cole and Hunter can also hear what their mothers are saying, makes me feel like Iām spiraling from embarrassment right into a pit of mortification.
Itās no secret the Lylesā adopted me. Itās what happened before I came to live with them that petrifies me, and I donāt want people talking about it.
āPastor Doug, I just want to let you know how grateful we are for what youāre doing for the boys,ā Mr. Mason says. My shoulders sag with relief, glad that theyāre stepping off the topic of my appearance.
I watch as Cole pours a glass of coke, but canāt keep myself from listening in on the adultās conversation.
āOf course,ā Dad says. āItās nothinā I wouldnāt do for any of the other kids in the congregation.ā
āYouāre really the pillar of Lyman,ā Mr. Trenton compliments Dad. āIf you have any problems with Trevor Slater again, you just say the word, and Iāll sort him out.ā
My world stops at hearing my fatherās name.
Trevor Slater.
The Boogeyman.
All the blood drains from my face as the walls close in on me.
āBirdie?ā I hear Coleās voice as I turn around and rush towards the front door.
I donāt want to hear anything about my biological father. Iāll never be able to deal with how he tortured me.
I just need to get outside so I can get some fresh air. With every step I take my breathing speeds up, bringing me closer to a panic attack. After all these years, I still havenāt learned how to control the crippling waves of panic. My therapist says it will get better with time. I hope so because these suffocating feelings are awful.
āBirdie,ā Dad calls out as I race through the living room. āLet me explain.ā
I manage to take a few more steps when Mr. Trenton stands up. āBridget, you werenāt supposed to hear that. Whereās Cole?ā
The fact that Mr. Trenton knows about my father creeps through the anxiety. Why was he talking about my father? What does he know?
My need to know whatās going on overshadows the dreaded fear. I stop and turn back to the adults. āWhy were you talkinā about him?ā My voice sounds thin, and I try to breathe faster as the darkness begins to creep up on me.
I canāt have a panic attack here. Not in front of all these people.
Dad takes a step toward me, a concerned look on his face. āItās nothinā to worry about, Birdie. He just tried to send you a letter, but we stopped him.ā
āHe did what?ā I whisper horrified. āHe knows where I am?ā
āHe canāt hurt you.ā Dad takes another step toward me as terror slams hard into my chest, ripping the air right from my lungs. I turn and run as if Iām running from the devil himself.
He knows where I am. Heāll come for me. Heāll finish what he started all those years back. Heāll kill me this time.
I pull open the front door and take the porch steps in one jump. I race across the lawn to get to the road but only make it half-way when an arm wraps around my waist, and Iām yanked off my feet.
The person swings me around, and I come face to face with Cole, as he jogs towards us.
āIāll take her, Hunter,ā he says just as Hunter sets me back down on my feet.
All the adults follow right behind Cole. They stand on the porch with similar looks of concern on their faces, which only makes me feel more claustrophobic.
Coleās fingers wrap around my wrist and only then does Hunter let go of me.
I take a step away from them and try to pull my arm free, but Cole doesnāt let go. Instead, he steps right into my personal space, and placing his other arm around my shoulders, he pulls me against his chest. Feeling how muscular and steady Coleās body is against mine, I realize how badly Iām trembling.
Iām terrified that my father knows where I am but not wanting to have a total meltdown in front of Cole, I close my eyes and suck in deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself.
āIāll stay outside with Birdie,ā Cole calls to the others. āShe just needs some air.ā
āBirdie, will you be okay?ā I hear Mom call.
Just needing some space so I can gain control over my rampant emotions, I nod.
When I hear the front door close, I take a step back from Cole, hating that the first time I got to be in his arms is tainted by my past, even if he was just holding me to comfort me.
Instead of making me go back inside, he says, āLetās go for that walk.ā
Cole reaches for my hand, and when his fingers interlace with mine, a firecracker explodes somewhere between my left lung and my heart, leaving my insides a chaotic mess.
ārattle them bonesā
BIRDIE
Since grandma died Daddyās been smoking more, and itās stinking up the trailer we live in.
Knowing Iāll be in trouble if he finds out, I steal his lighter while heās in the bathroom. I run outside and quickly bury the lighter in the patch of sand behind the trailer. With a pounding heart, I glance over my shoulder and hearing the toilet flush, I begin to panic. If Daddy finds out what Iāve done, heāll give me a beating.
As fast as I can, I dig up the lighter, but when I try to make it work thereās not even a spark. Scared of how angry Daddy will be, I shove it back into the hole and cover it with dirt. Not wanting to be caught, I run back into the trailer and hearing him whistling in the bathroom, I quickly rush into the bedroom. Frantically, I look for a place to hide, and when I hear the bathroom door creak open, I duck under the bed. Dust motes tickle my nose, and I place a hand over my face so I wonāt sneeze.
āWhere the fuckās my lighter?ā Daddy roars, and it scares me so badly I crawl further under the bed until I press against the wall. Seeing an old suitcase, I pry it open and squeeze myself inside it. Curling into a small ball so I can close the lid, I try to slow my breaths so he wonāt hear me.
As the minutes tick by, my fear grows. Daddyās gonna be so mad.
After a long time of hiding, I drift off to sleep, but when the suitcase moves, it startles me awake. The lid gets thrown open, and Daddy glares down at me with a mean look.
āYou little fuckinā cunt,ā he hisses angrily. Grabbing hold of my arm, he hauls me out of my hiding place. āāCause you like small spaces you can live in the fuckinā closet.ā
I start to shake my head and pull back against Daddyās hold on me. My heartās beating hard in my chest, and it makes my body tremble.
āNo, Daddy. Iām sorry.ā
He yanks the closet door open and forcefully shoves me inside. The smell of old shoes and dirty clothes fill the air. He slams the door shut and locks it, leaving me in the tiny, dark closet.
āFuckinā stuck with the kid ācause the oleā bitch croaked,ā Daddy grumbles from the other side of the door. He slams his hand against the closet, then growls, āIām gonna make you a skeleton like your momma ācause you killed her. Fuckinā evil little bitch.ā
The words are scary, and I crawl to the corner of the closet. Shoes dig into my body, but as I hear him moving outside the door, Iām too scared to shove them away from me.
āYeah, the evil cunt deserves to stay in the closet,ā he chuckles darkly.
There are a few minutes of silence, and I strain my ears to hear where Daddy is when music comes from somewhere in the house.
The song is creepy, and I pinch my eyes shut, wondering when Daddyās gonna give me a beating for being naughty.
There are different shades to black. Thereās normal black, then thereās the kind where itās so dark you see things.
Things children shouldnāt see.
You see the Boogeyman. Itās the one Daddy whispers about through the door. āHere comes the Boogeyman. The Boogeymanās cominā to get you.ā
Itās so dark you see monsters in every speck of dust.
The Boogeymanās real.
The Boogeymanās my daddy, and every day he sings to me, āIāve got a skeleton in the closet and she aināt ever cominā out.ā
CHAPTER 1
āoh, rattle them bonesā
BIRDIE
(17 years old.)
āYou almost ready, dear?ā Mom calls.
āYeah, just a second.ā Sitting on the floor with my back against the side of the bed, I donāt miss the flash of sadness as Mom takes in the sweater Iām wearing.
āYou sure you wanna wear that? Itās hot out. Why donāt you wear one of those pretty t-shirts we got you last week?ā she tries again.
I know sheās looking out for me, and I love her for it, but I wish sheād let it go. This is what I want to wear, and it makes me feel better knowing my scars arenāt visible for the whole world to see.
Itās been twelve years since I was rescued and adopted by Pastor and Mrs. Liles, and even though my father is currently serving a fifteen-year sentence, the memory of him still haunts me every night.
āNope, Iām good,ā I mumble while sticking a picture on the page Iām busy with. I have a weird hobby of writing out the lyrics to every song I like then surrounding them with matching pictures. Todayās song is Cross That Line by Joshua Radin, and Iāve just finished sticking a picture of Cole Trenton next to it.
Ever since the day Cole stood up for me, Iāve had a crush on him. Grayson Chambers was just being his usual mean self and had me cornered against my locker. Cole yanked him back and told him to leave me be.
Yeah, that was the day I knew for sure I was in love with Cole. One look at his icy blue eyes and chocolate brown hair, and I was a goner. Heās the only one whoās able to stir a happy feeling inside of me.
āGood, letās go then. We donāt want to keep the people waitinā,ā Mom says, yanking me out of my thoughts.
I slip the page into a plastic sleeve and place it on my desk before running after Mom.
Usually, Clay and I take turns accompanying Dad and Mom when they go to visit one of the families from the church. I know Clay hates it so most of the time I end up going along. I canāt let them down after everything theyāve done for me. They took me in without asking for anything in return.
Personally, I feel Clay should make more of an effort. When his father went to jail for selling drugs, the Lilesā took him in. He was only nine and had nowhere else to go. Clayās momma died when he was still a baby, and apparently, they couldnāt find anybody on his mommaās side to take him. Thatās how he ended up under the Lilesā care. It was the same with me. My momma died when I was still a baby, and thereās no one left on her side of the family.
As I step out onto the porch, Dad gives me an encouraging smile. He knows I donāt like going along for the visits, but he appreciates it.
āThanks, Kiddo. I owe you one,ā he says as we walk toward the car. The only thing keeping the station wagon together is a ton of rust.
āI get to choose the next movie,ā I say while getting into the back.
āItās a deal,ā he laughs.
Most of the town calls him Pastor Doug and loves him. I know I got lucky when they adopted me.
A few minutes later when Dad turns up the street Cole lives on, my heart begins to beat faster. Automatically, I start counting down the houses until we reach his, but instead of driving by, the car slows down.
Oh my gosh, weāre visiting the Trentonās?
Iām not sure whether I should be excited or anxious. The mixture of feelings makes me clench my hands on my lap as my stomach tightens with nerves.
Most of the time I see Cole at school. This will be the first time Iāll actually be inside his house.
āThe Trentonās? Weāre cominā to the Trentonās?ā I ask from the back.
āYes, and the Masonās will also be here. You know the boys, donāt you, dear? Theyāre seniors from your school,ā Mom replies, unaware of the mini nervous breakdown Iām about to have in the backseat.
āYeah, theyāre friends with Clay. I hardly ever talk to Cole and Hunter.ā
A simple āhiā is the most Iāve ever said to either of the boys. But itās one thing to admire Cole at school where weāre surrounded by other people. Itās a different ball game when I have to be around him with no one to hide behind.
Itās not that Iām scared of being around Cole. Not at all. Itās justā¦ what would I even say to him?
Ugh, Iāll probably only make a fool of myself.
āYouāll have fun. The evenings you never plan are the ones you enjoy most,ā Dad says.
I love his sayings, but tonight theyāre not going to be of much help. Maybe I can slip away when no oneās watching?
The front door opens, and Mr. Trenton steps out onto the porch.
When weāre out of the car and walking toward the front door, I peek out from where Iām hiding behind Mom, but the second I see Cole standing next to his dad, I quickly duck back.
I canāt hear anything above the blood rushing through my ears. Sucking in deep breaths, I try to calm my racing heart.
āPastor Doug, thank you so much for cominā,ā Mr. Trenton greets warmly.
Mom and Dad walk inside the house, and I have to force my feet forward. Climbing the stairs to the porch, I glance up and lose my breath when I see Cole waiting to close the door behind me.
Breathe, Birdie. Act calm.
āHi, Birdie.ā Cole shuts the door, and as he turns back to me with a crooked smile on his face, my mouth dries up.
āHi.ā It pretty much sounds like I sucked on a balloon filled with helium.
Following everyone to the living room, Iām incredibly aware of Cole walking right behind me. Glancing around the room, I notice the Masonās sitting on a comfy looking couch. Mrs. Tenton gets up to greet us.
Before I can go to Momās side, Mr. Trenton says, āCole, why donāt you show Bridget the entertainment area?ā
My lips part and I stand frozen like a deer in oncoming traffic.
āSure,ā Cole says, then he places his hand on my lower back and my heart all but stops beating. āThis way, Birdie.ā
Itās a miracle when I manage to take a step without falling flat on my face.
Coleās touching me.
I immediately feel self-conscious about the scars on the right side of my body, even though I know he canāt see them. Folding my right arm around my waist, I cover it with my left.
A chaotic mess of emotions spreads through me. Iām elated that Cole is touching me, but at the same time, I feel on edge because of the scars.
So far, Iāve been lucky, and only Mom and Dad know about my scars, but I know the day will come when I wonāt be able to keep my ugly secret buried beneath layers of clothes any longer.
Cole steers me into a room, which looks twice the size of the living room. A pool table stands in the middle, and a TV is mounted on the left wall. On the right side, there is a floor to ceiling window and a sliding door which opens onto a patio, looking out over a big swimming pool.
The entertainment area is right next to the living room which makes me feel a little better, knowing that Mom and Dad are close by.
I remain standing just inside the door as Cole walks to where Hunter is sitting at a bar area.
āHey, Birdie,ā Hunter says, giving me a friendly smile.
I give him a lame wave as I shyly whisper, āHi.ā
For a moment I think about how my best friend, Reece is going to freak out when she hears I spent the night visiting with Cole and Hunter. Sheās had a crush on Hunter for the longest time.
With Cole and Hunter graduating soon, next year is going to be very boring at school without them there.
My eyes drift back to Coleās face, and when our gazes lock, a blush creeps up my neck.
āWould you like somethinā to drink?ā Cole asks.
Feeling awkward, I just shake my head. Interacting with people is really hard, but when it comes to Cole, itās near impossible.
I freeze when Mrs. Trentonās voice drifts into the entertainment room. āBridgetās become quite the beauty under your care.ā
Yep, Iām officially dying.
āShe was such a tiny thing when she came to Lyman,ā Mrs. Mason says.
Knowing Cole and Hunter can also hear what their mothers are saying, makes me feel like Iām spiraling from embarrassment right into a pit of mortification.
Itās no secret the Lylesā adopted me. Itās what happened before I came to live with them that petrifies me, and I donāt want people talking about it.
āPastor Doug, I just want to let you know how grateful we are for what youāre doing for the boys,ā Mr. Mason says. My shoulders sag with relief, glad that theyāre stepping off the topic of my appearance.
I watch as Cole pours a glass of coke, but canāt keep myself from listening in on the adultās conversation.
āOf course,ā Dad says. āItās nothinā I wouldnāt do for any of the other kids in the congregation.ā
āYouāre really the pillar of Lyman,ā Mr. Trenton compliments Dad. āIf you have any problems with Trevor Slater again, you just say the word, and Iāll sort him out.ā
My world stops at hearing my fatherās name.
Trevor Slater.
The Boogeyman.
All the blood drains from my face as the walls close in on me.
āBirdie?ā I hear Coleās voice as I turn around and rush towards the front door.
I donāt want to hear anything about my biological father. Iāll never be able to deal with how he tortured me.
I just need to get outside so I can get some fresh air. With every step I take my breathing speeds up, bringing me closer to a panic attack. After all these years, I still havenāt learned how to control the crippling waves of panic. My therapist says it will get better with time. I hope so because these suffocating feelings are awful.
āBirdie,ā Dad calls out as I race through the living room. āLet me explain.ā
I manage to take a few more steps when Mr. Trenton stands up. āBridget, you werenāt supposed to hear that. Whereās Cole?ā
The fact that Mr. Trenton knows about my father creeps through the anxiety. Why was he talking about my father? What does he know?
My need to know whatās going on overshadows the dreaded fear. I stop and turn back to the adults. āWhy were you talkinā about him?ā My voice sounds thin, and I try to breathe faster as the darkness begins to creep up on me.
I canāt have a panic attack here. Not in front of all these people.
Dad takes a step toward me, a concerned look on his face. āItās nothinā to worry about, Birdie. He just tried to send you a letter, but we stopped him.ā
āHe did what?ā I whisper horrified. āHe knows where I am?ā
āHe canāt hurt you.ā Dad takes another step toward me as terror slams hard into my chest, ripping the air right from my lungs. I turn and run as if Iām running from the devil himself.
He knows where I am. Heāll come for me. Heāll finish what he started all those years back. Heāll kill me this time.
I pull open the front door and take the porch steps in one jump. I race across the lawn to get to the road but only make it half-way when an arm wraps around my waist, and Iām yanked off my feet.
The person swings me around, and I come face to face with Cole, as he jogs towards us.
āIāll take her, Hunter,ā he says just as Hunter sets me back down on my feet.
All the adults follow right behind Cole. They stand on the porch with similar looks of concern on their faces, which only makes me feel more claustrophobic.
Coleās fingers wrap around my wrist and only then does Hunter let go of me.
I take a step away from them and try to pull my arm free, but Cole doesnāt let go. Instead, he steps right into my personal space, and placing his other arm around my shoulders, he pulls me against his chest. Feeling how muscular and steady Coleās body is against mine, I realize how badly Iām trembling.
Iām terrified that my father knows where I am but not wanting to have a total meltdown in front of Cole, I close my eyes and suck in deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself.
āIāll stay outside with Birdie,ā Cole calls to the others. āShe just needs some air.ā
āBirdie, will you be okay?ā I hear Mom call.
Just needing some space so I can gain control over my rampant emotions, I nod.
When I hear the front door close, I take a step back from Cole, hating that the first time I got to be in his arms is tainted by my past, even if he was just holding me to comfort me.
Instead of making me go back inside, he says, āLetās go for that walk.ā
Cole reaches for my hand, and when his fingers interlace with mine, a firecracker explodes somewhere between my left lung and my heart, leaving my insides a chaotic mess.
Michelle Heard is a Bestselling Romance Author who likes her books hot, dirty, and with a touch of darkness. She loves an alpha hero who is not scared to fight for his woman.
Want to be up to date with whatās happening in Michelleās world? Sign up to receive the latest news on her alpha hero releases, sales, and great giveaways ā http://eepurl.com/cUXM_P
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