Running off to Amsterdam is the
best decision Ella ever made in her life. In just a few months, she’s been able
to put her past behind her and has found a new family and friends. She can almost
ignore the voices in her head telling her this idyllic scenario is
temporary.
When Lou Rivers shows up in
Amsterdam, he’s the constant reminder of the life she led and the mistakes
she made. As the two of them embark on an emotional and musical journey across
Europe, Ella will have to face her own insecurities and make a decision that might
break them apart forever.
“You know what I was
thinking…” he said, lowering his head and looking down before staring
at me again. He was all smiles and furtive looks today, even more than usual. I
hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his kisses or his hands on me all
morning. Every look he gave me just made it worse. It was so difficult to act normal
around him.
“What were you
thinking?”
“You should be my
guide.”
“Your guide?” I asked,
confused.
“Yeah, you know. There are
so many things I haven’t seen yet and you do know Amsterdam pretty well.
Take me to see all the cool places. Like that coffee shop we went to the first time we
hung out.” I wasn’t that naïve; I knew what he was trying to do.
Taking him around meant spending more time alone with him. Spending more time
alone with him meant falling into patterns I should have steered clear of. I knew
what he was aiming at.
“You have been here for
weeks, Lou. I’m pretty sure you have seen plenty of cool places!” I
said, dismissively.
“Yeah, but not as much as I
would like. I kind of got distracted,” he replied, giving me a hooded look that
made my stomach flip. “And I haven’t gone to the Van Gogh museum
yet.”
“YOU
HAVEN’T?” I asked him, too surprised to be able to contain the shock
in my voice. “What, why?” I babbled for a moment before I asked,
“Why haven’t you gone yet?” my voice sounding
exasperated.
“Well, I was hoping we could
go together…you told me how many times you’ve been…I
thought it’d be fun to go with someone who knew the place well,” he
said shrugging.
When I saw him this morning, I
blushed a deep red, and he seemed equally bashful. The make out session that had
followed our musical escapade last night was something out of a dream. After I had
gotten upstairs, my phone chimed, and I found a text from him that just
said:
“You did
it.”
I was still questioning the events of
last night, and it was hard not to think about his fingers in my panties and my hands
roaming his body. I also couldn’t stop thinking about the fact Ally had been
right all along with her finger porn comment. I kept zoning out and staring at his lips
and thinking about his kisses. I had it bad, real bad. I came out of my daydream
while he was talking about windmills.
“I also heard of this place in
the countryside, where you can hang out between the picturesque windmills of the
Netherlands...” he said with the theatrics of an announcer from a travel
commercial. He grinned at me, aware of how ridiculous his pitch
sounded.
“Yeah, I heard of that place
too...and?”
“Well, I think you should take
me to see the windmills,” he teased in a low voice, his face just a few inches
away from mine.
“Why does it sound like
something dirty when you say it like that?” I asked, mimicking the tone of his
voice, moving my face closer to his, balancing myself on the bar with my
hands.
“It’s because you have
a dirty mind, Ella,” he replied in a low, teasing voice, drinking a sip of
coffee. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and his lips, and the image of
the two of us on the floor flashed in front of my eyes, and I blushed
again.
“If you guys are done flirting
all over this counter,” Ally said, popping up at the other end of the bar,
“there’s someone here that would like to order some food. As long as
you two are done, otherwise I am going to
gag!”
We both turned to her without
saying a word. I hadn’t even seen her come in, which was crazy, considering
we weren’t even busy.
“Why don’t you guys
just do it and get it out of your system?” she asked as if it was the most
normal thing to say.
Lou chuckled and looked down,
shaking his head at Ally’s forwardness. I rolled my eyes, sighed and decided
against saying something I would regret. But I wasn’t letting her off
easy.
I held my imaginary tiny violin and
said, “Ally, this tiny violin is playing just for you.” She gave me the
“Friends” fuck-you salute. Fair
enough.
“What do you want to order,
you brat?” I asked, trying to keep a serious, annoyed face. She gave me her
order—to go—and then I proceed to take it to Helga in the kitchen.
When I got back, she and Lou were sitting next to each other, deep into
conversation. At the same time, the door opened, and I saw a familiar face peek
in.
“Hendrick, you’re
back!” I threw the towel I was holding on the bar and ran to him, as he made
his way through the tables, smiling.
I launched myself at him and hugged
him tight. He spun me around, laughing.
When he put me down, I took a
better look at his face. He looked great, just as handsome as I remembered, maybe
just a little bit skinnier, which made him look more grown-up. Besides Ally,
Hendrick was one of my closest friends—and former
lover.
“It’s good to see you
again, Ella! I missed you!” he said looking at
me.
“I missed you
too!”
Johan and Helga joined me in saying
hi to him.
“Helga! Johan! Het is
goed om terug te zijn!” he said, hugging them. They were happy to see
him too, and the three of them started chatting, talking a little too fast for me to
grasp anything. I still watched the whole interaction and took a better look at him.
His blonde hair was shorter in the back and longer in the front, falling on his
forehead. His eyes were just as blue and bright as I
remembered.
Behind me, I could hear Lou ask Ally,
“Who’s Hendrick?”
Ally replied, teasing him.
“Another one of her paramours. You didn’t think you were the only
one, did you?”
Jesus, that lady! Always so damn
feisty! Did she really have to say that? There was no need to make Lou jealous.
There was nothing going on between Hendrick and me anymore. That was just a
fling.
I had met Hendrick when I started
working for Helga and Johan. He was one of the few usual customers that knew
more English, and we hit it off right away. He was just a couple years older than me
and was a deejay. Not only did he have a cool job, but he was also handsome and
funny. Pretty soon, he invited me to go see him deejay at a club and it wasn’t
long after that night that we started sleeping together, occasionally. He had made it
clear though he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, and at first I didn’t
think I was looking for a relationship either. He also didn’t want to get
involved, because he planned to go to London to study music production for a
master’s degree. At first, it seemed that the attraction between us was
enough—our arrangement suited me just fine—but later on I realized
that even though I liked him, our relationship wasn’t going to grow or
change into anything else, and it made me feel empty. We broke it off on friendly
terms, and I still continued to see him as a friend when he’d be playing at a
club. We kept in touch even now that he lived in London, but I had no idea he was
coming back.
“Are you here for a
visit?” I asked him when he was done talking to
Johan.
“Yes,” he turned to me
and paused for a moment before switching to English. His brow furrowed, and he
said, “I’ll be here for a few days, but I’m going back to London.
My master’s program isn’t over for another couple of
months.”
Johan asked him something else, and
I resumed whatever I was doing before he walked
in.
When I went back to the bar, Ally
and Lou were still sitting there.
“Lou is jealous,” Ally
said flatly, without batting an eye.
“You’re terrible, you
know that?” He rebuffed, trying to look unfazed by her words. He was
blushing though, and I couldn’t deny I was tickled by the whole
thing.
“Hendrick is just a
friend,” I reassured him. “You know, that wasn’t very nice,
Ally.”
“Oh, relax! Instead,
let’s talk about what we’re going to do for your birthday next
week.”
“My birthday? I have no idea.
Doing nothing at all sounds wonderful to
me.”
“Nonsense. These are the
years that need to be celebrated. After thirty, you’re off the
hook.”
“Okay,” I agreed
without making a fuss. I knew it was pointless to argue with her. It was nice she
remembered my birthday was coming up, but honestly I didn’t feel like
making a big deal about it. It just made me think of my parents and our strained
relationship. I probably should send them another postcard soon or make a phone
call, just to let them know I was still alive.
When Ally left, I made the
introductions between Lou and Hendrick. They chatted for a while and then
Hendrick left, saying he had a few errands to run. Lou wasn’t supposed to
meet with Hans Koll today, so he came with me to pick up Lieke at school, and
afterwards we started playing. The number of songs he had was growing, and he felt
like he finally had something to give to the record company when they’d try
to check on him.
Things between us had been
different since last night. All day he stole kisses from me whenever we were alone,
and I didn’t stop him. In fact, I wanted more. I wondered why he never asked
me to go to his apartment. I should have asked him. Maybe I should have told him
plain and simple that I wanted him.
It seemed I could never find the
right time to say those words though. My emotions were betraying me though,
because Helga noticed something was different.
“What’s going on
between you and the boy?” she asked with a sly smile when we were alone in
the kitchen. I tried to dismiss it and cried, “Niets!” but the
blush on my face betrayed me once again, and when I looked into her eyes, she just
smiled and then proceeded to hug me for a good five
minutes.
“You deserve to be happy,
sweet girl,” she whispered. “Don’t let your fears make you
miss out on something as beautiful as love.”
My fears. I felt like I was getting rid
of some, since last night’s groundbreaking turn of events, but when it came
to Lou, there was a whole chunk of fears I couldn’t let go
of.
We had been making out pretty
much all day, but when evening came he was quieter than usual, and he
wasn’t joking around as much. I wondered what was up with him. Then,
before we said goodbye, he told me he had to leave Amsterdam in about a
week.
“A week?” I asked
him.
His eyes were fixed on mine, and I
tried really hard to hide the disappointment on my face, but I knew I wasn’t
doing a good job at all.
“Josh has some tech booked
for me for the next few weeks. The record company knows, so I can’t just
blow it off.”
I lowered my head, unable to look at
him. I didn’t want him to leave. I had been afraid of this moment for weeks,
and it was even worse now, because during the last few days, the bond and the level
of t between us had gotten even stronger. It wasn’t just a sexual attraction I
had for him. I loved how he seemed playful and carefree most of the time, and then
he’d surprise me by being deep and soulful. I loved the way he looked at me
when I played; it gave me confidence and made me believe I was capable of
anything. Shit, did I really just admit to myself I loved him? It didn’t really
matter, though, did it? Because one way or another, I would have to get used to life
without him.
Hilaria Alexander was born
and raised in the south of Italy, where her family still lives. She attended college at
the Istituto Universitario Orientale in Naples, Italy, and lived one year in Tokyo,
Japan, as part of an exchange student program. She now lives in Oklahoma City with
her husband and kids. When she isn't at work, she is reading, catching up on
her favorite TV shows and making up story-lines in her mind. She loves traveling
and is a self-proclaimed concert addict. This Love is her second romance novel. She
published her first novel, Prude, in January 2015.
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